My name is Kieran Smith. I’m 22 years old and at the age of 15, I was a victim of losing someone to suicide.
Back on March 25, 2015, I lost my dad to suicide. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It doesn’t get any easier as time goes on.
I remember going on a school trip to the castle and then getting pulled out of the classroom to then being confronted by my mum as white as a ghost to tell me that I’ve lost my dad.
At that one moment in my life, my time had changed. I had to go from being a young boy to then becoming the man of the house, which I found extremely hard, but without my friends and my family support network around me, I don’t know where I would be today.
It affected us all in a significant way, so obviously I didn’t know what it was like losing a husband and I didn’t know what it was like losing a son for both my nan and my grandad.
I only knew how it felt losing a father, but with us looking after each other and having a support network around us, we managed to pull each other up from our worst day and then we managed to also cherish all the moments that we had with each other.
The Community Sports Foundation was a massive help from when my father passed away. They gave me loads of different opportunities.
When Norwich reached the play-off final, I had a great opportunity to go to Wembley. Ian Thornton organised all this for me, which was something that I always dreamed of doing, obviously, as a young boy, walking out at Wembley is every boy’s dream. So that day was absolutely amazing.
I managed to go backstage, managed to meet all the players and they signed the match day programme that I still have, a match day shirt as well. I managed to walk out with Russell Martin, who was so comforting when we were in the tunnel, and just to look around me and obviously see all the players and then to walk out to 90,000 fans, the roar was something that puts hairs down the back of my spine to this day as well.
That was a massive moment in my life and that also was something that I know my dad would look down on me and think how proud he was of me and ultimately how proud I was of him as well back in that time.
My friends and my family were a massive part of getting through that difficult stage of my life and even now I’m still trying from day to day to get through it with taking my mind off things, with going to Norwich games and playing football week in, week out on a Saturday for my local team, but without them, I’m unsure to know where I would be today.
I remember when I was nine years old and in the Norwich City 2009/10 season, Paul Lambert had recently taken over as Norwich manager.
I remember sitting at a dinner table one night and my dad saying to me “I feel as though we should get a season ticket. I’ve got a good feeling now that Lambert has taken over.” From that day we didn’t look back. We went and got a season ticket in the Geoffrey Watling Stand.
Me and my dad attended every home game, we went to the occasional away game here and there and then we saw Norwich win back to back promotions to get to the Premier League.
Within that, years of us having the season ticket until unfortunately my dad passed away, that period of time, every Saturday the ritual was me, my dad and my grandad going to Norwich games, seeing Norwich win emphatically at home, seeing us win at Ipswich away.
They were the best memories I had with my father, just watching Norwich play and just coming to Norwich every week was such a great experience and those are memories I will just cherish forever.
If you need urgent help, visit mind.co.uk for emergency advice.
